I'm currently leading a weekly bible study for our Sr High guys. Last week we discussed the early life of David and the "qualifications" that he had that made God choose him over his other brothers. We talked about what it means to be a "godly man" and how each of us can try to attain that.
I asked them for specifics of what a godly man looks like in 2010 but they had a hard time coming up with descriptions other than, "goes to church." Thats it. A godly man is someone who goes to church. They didn't mention integrity, strength, taking care of a family, honesty, etc. Going a little further I asked them how many of them believed that their dad was a godly man. Not one guy spoke up. Now I imagine that was partly because they still aren't sure that being a godly man is something to be proud of or not. Either way, when none of them immediately felt that their dad was a godly man, it made me sad.
If your youth ministry is anything like mine, 75% of your volunteers are women. When I need help with an event its the moms that show up. When I need small group or Sunday school leaders, its the women volunteering.
So, where are the men??? I struggle with the fact that many (most?) of the dads in our church would have no hesitation to coach a little league team or spend an hour teaching their son the proper form for throwing a football, despite the fact that they aren't pros as either of these things. But they won't teach a group of boys about the bible, how to pray, or how to be godly men, probably because "they aren't pros" at these things. Why the disconnect? Why will they (we) share their knowledge on football technique without being asked, but will only share about their faith if we pull teeth?
So I ask you friends, how do we engage the men of our churches in the lives of our students? How do we leverage the life experiences of the men in our congregations for the benefit of our young men making decisions today?
7 comments:
I'm not sure that most ministries have only or mostly women volunteering as your supposing. Every youth group I've been a part of as a student or leader has had just as many male volunteer leaders as female.
I definitely felt like this statement was on the money for most teenage guys -
"Now I imagine that was partly because they still aren't sure that being a godly man is something to be proud of or not."
I do honestly believe there's something a bit misleading here though. What is godly? Who gets to decide what is and what is not godly?
Even the premise of separating "godly" dads from "ungodly"(?) just seems strange and Pharisaic to me.
What I do know is this - the older I get, the more I start appreciating all the behind the scenes things both of my parents did for me. Its not in everyone's personality type to lead a bible study. But my parents chose to be involved in the ways that suited everyone best.
It will always be their behind the scenes sacrifices (things I didn't even realize they were doing at the time for me and the family) that remind me of how much they love me.
Sometimes being a "leader" is mis-"leading" and misunderstood in the Kingdom of God.
It is a problem! Maybe not at every church but all the Student Pastors I connect with ask the same questions. Big churches, small churches, medium churches....all seem to struggle with having men connect deeply in the ministry.
Maybe that's just it. We naturally find it difficult to just TALK about things that matter. It's much easier for us to connect while DOING something. Usually what happens is a dad or any male will show up for a week or two, not feel connect, therefore he sees no value in spending his time and leaves.
One thing that has helped me get more males and leaders ingeneral involved is by "Stacking the Deck"...what do i mean???
I actually do this with all my new leaders. The first week they show up I find a group of students that I know values the ministry and leaders and I say something like this, "You guys know how hard it is to be the new guys. Think about if you were a dad or college guy trying to connect with you high school guys. Pretty scary stuff!!! I need your help!!!Can you guys help me out? Tonight and the next couple weeks I want you to do everything you can to make (leaders name) feel welcomed. Hang out with him, play pool, ask questions, ask him to sit by you during the message..whatever it takes to make him know how great it is that he is taking time to spend with you. Is that cool? Let me introduce you to (leaders name). You guys really are an amazing group of young peopel!!! You understand what it means to care for others!!!!"
The students get fired up b/c they have a task and the leaders feels welcomed and connected b/c students actually noticed they were there.
Sounds cheeseball but it works!!!
When we first arrived at SLWC it was aout a 70% women 30% male spilt with leaders. Since we have started "Stacking the Deck" we are almost at 50/50.
Hope this helps!!!!
Lovingly Cheering You Guys On!!!!
-Pudge
Andy,
From the people I've talked to, you might be the anomaly when it comes to having a 50/50 split of male and female volunteers. Glad that is the case however.
As far as classifying dads as godly or not, I wouldn't agree that this is pharisaic. Perhaps I worded it wrong. Instead of thinking of a separation between the godly and ungodly, I think i meant to convey the idea that some of my guys don't have a male spiritual role model in their home. maybe to call them godly or not is a stretch but what I was going for was the fact that many of these guys dont even reguularly see a male that will lead his family in prayer, or is seen reading a bible. this is my concern.
Pudge,
i love the idea of stacking the deck. if we go to lengths to engage our students with new students/visitors, why wouldn't we do the same to have them welcome and engage our volunteers that may be timid to "jump in 100%".
Another idea came from my friend and campus life leader here in Fort Wayne, Seth. He suggested gathering the dads together. Could be for a meal, a simple meeting, or something else. the point though, is to invite all the dads of our youth. At some point we could bring up the idea of the dad's influence on their kids life and emphasizing how many of them have had a huge spiritual impact, having taught them to pray, read the bible, respect others, love their mother, etc. He thought that this could affirm the good things that the spiritually active dads have done without alienating those that may have little interest in their own spiritual life, of that of their kid. We could then encourage them to continue to take the same initiative that they often take teaching their kid to throw a ball, treat a girlfriend well, etc and apply the same idea to something that matters sooo much more; their faith (eternal life!)
I know its just me, but I just don't equate reading the Bible or leading prayer with being a good dad, a good role model, or even a good Christian (if there is such a thing).
I wouldn't either Andy. However, I was asking about godly dads, not necesarily good dads. I know many great fathers who have no interest in the spiritual realm. However, in the church I think it is essential that we raise up not only good men, but godly men.
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